我和我的父亲
☆My dad said he was going to set me up for life. Of course, I was excited by the idea.
Until he blamed me for the murder he committed.
我爸爸说要让我过上不一样的人生，可给我激动坏了！
直到他把他犯下的谋杀案赖在了我身上。
——incredibleinkpen
☆BREAKING NEWS: The government has announced that friendly intimate contact is allowed from May 17th meaning that someone like me will not be affected by this rule at all.
最新消息：英国政府宣布从5月17日起解除亲密接触禁令。这意味着像我这样的人的生活没有丝毫改变。
——harry7695
☆I said to this young woman in a club,
“If you were my daughter I’d still be bathing you. “
“Yeah, I know dad, why the fuck do you think I left home?”
我对酒吧里的一个美女说：
“如果你是我女儿的话，我肯定是要在家里给你洗澡的。”
“我知道啊爸爸，不然你他妈以为我为什么会离家出走？”
——KIMJONGTRUMP
☆I called my girlfriend from my best mate’s phone.
She answered, “Hello big dick.”
How cool is it that? She knew I was using his phone.
我用好兄弟的手机给女友打电话。
她接了起来：“你好啊，大根先生。”
真牛逼啊！她竟然猜到是我给她打电话。
——Stallion
有一张就不错了
@微醺与艺术_Shaw:图片评论
@电冰箱里的饺子: 笑死了
哈哈好耶
@-悦鹅-:是我伸腿绊的
@伟大的斯坦威诺瓦钦尼:做出这种事还是人吗！您是天使吧
@Ieexx：孩子哭的很厉害 但你的腿没受伤吧
老师逻辑
男孩的裤兜怎么这么大啊
口罩时代
——HumansNoContext
给家里的哥特妹妹庆生
——hmobbhunny
嫌货才是买货人
☆Nasa can control a helicopter on mars, and yet you lose wifi when you go in the kitchen
NASA都能控制火星上的直升机了，我们去厨房的时候还是会连不上Wi-Fi。
——Worldly_Squirrel2005
☆When you can’t go to sleep maybe it’s because the dream server is full and you need someone to wake up first
如果你无法入睡，很可能是梦的服务器超载了，你需要先等别人醒来。
——___odysseus___
☆We are more worried about the rise of artificial intelligence than the decrease of real intelligence
我们更担心人工智能的崛起，却不关心人类智商的衰退。
——Sovereigner
—End—
有什么其他想说的，可以在公号对话框里私信。
翻译&编辑：荒野／监督：诺北 英式没品笑话百科 奇怪笑点与百无禁忌 922篇原创内容 –> 公众号
